Stadium goes wild for so0ldier’s surprise


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Links so cool,(news on your toast for breakfast)…


Saturday, April 26, 2008
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this happy lifter (12)
LA Times Scary Old and busted: Using DNA database to identify criminals. New hotness: Using DNA database to identify relatives of criminals (47)
Virginia Gazette Strange “I opened it, put it in the player and went into the kitchen. I heard my son scream, and when I went to check on him, instead of Batman the screen had three men on it, one of whom had no pants on.” (92)
SFGate Silly Demonstrating their keen understanding of economics, SF faithful gather at Chevron station to pray for lower gas prices (71)
CBS Miami Florida Man trimming trees in his backyard discovers skeleton hanging from branches (49)
Boston Herald Unlikely The Massachusetts Turnpike is not running a speed trap. The extra police patrols, speeding tickets, and the line item in the budget requiring increased ticket revenue are just a coincidence (79)
Telegraph Interesting Motorists in the UK over the age of 75 face compulsory tests of their eyesight and ability to drive, help them stay off your lawn (44)
London Times Silly More words that don’t belong together: itchy hemp lingerie (33)
Fox News Interesting Athiest soldier is sent home from Iraq early because of threats to his life…..from other U.S. soldiers (lots)
AP Interesting Think your job sucks? Try manually scanning every page of every book ever written. “It is monotonous.” says one worker, in the understatement of the millenium (81)
Victorville Daily Press Sad Firefighters unable to save house because copper fittings worth mere $8 had been stolen from all five fire hydrants on block (76)
BBC Dumbass Armed police called to a man wearing a mask and with a running chainsaw walking the streets. Turns out he was going to a fancy dress party. Now attending with brown trousers presumably (34)
AP Florida Seven-year old boy steals SUV, takes goes on an eight minute joyride leaving smashed cars, mailboxes, signs in his wake. That’s some good parenting right there (70)
(Florida Today) Followup Swinger’s club shut down; not because it’s a swinger’s club, but because it’s a commercial establishment in a residential area (85)
(The Progressive) Asinine The Pledge Of Allegiance recited in Spanish one school day results in physical threats, harassment, and demands for the teacher, the principal, and the superintendent to be fired. Stay classy, Wisconsin (535)
SeattlePI Dumbass Seattle police have arrested two men and a boy suspected in a string of BB shootings that left a man injured and a duck dead. Police describe the attacks as ditttthhhhpiccable (54)
London Times Amusing WWII bomb washes up on a beach. Navy takes it out to sea to detonate it, promptly loses it. D’oh (28)
The Sun Unlikely Russian woman claims to have photographed a UFO in England. The Sun is there with grainy photo of . . . a flying mushroom? (71)
Seattle Times Asinine Residents in Seattle’s affluent Magnolia neighborhood are fuming over plans to house homeless people there. Bonus: the closest grocery sells pheasant-and-rosemary pâté for $9.99 and ground coffee for up to $18 a pound (198)
Slashdot Photoshop Photoshop theme: Unreleased Atari 2600 games (107)
BBC Dumbass Not News: A City banker gives up a high paying job to become a carpenter. Fark: Finds out he is allergic to wood (48)
(Some Guy) Strange Crazed Chinese chef challenges boss who just fired him to a duel – with cleavers. Christopher Moltisanti options the film rights (22)
apan Today Obvious Japanese government, unfamiliar with Project Mayhem, orders Ikea to improve its product manuals after man nearly blinded himself while assembling chest of drawers (49)
(KMPH.com) Amusing And so it begins: cat scratches driver’s face, causes car wreck. Happy Caturday (454)
News.com.au Spiffy Journalist: gets farked by boss for $30/hour, will work until age 65. Prostitute: gets farked by regular clients for $500/hour, retired by age 29, rich and writing a how-to guide for prostitution (100)
(The Desert Sun) Unlikely Not news: Police install “amnesty cans” outside Coachella Music Festival to give concert-goers one last chance to ditch pot, pills and other drugs, penalty-free. Fark: It works (72)
CBC Ironic Even God hates “Christian Rock” (323)
Telegraph Sad Cheerleaders may be banned from cricket matches in India. “These are things meant for foreigners and not us. Mothers and daughters watch these matches on television and it does not look nice.” (116)
CBC PSA Attention Toronto residents: TTC now means “take the car” (117)
AP Spiffy Obama wins by 10 points in Indiana (194)
Reuters Interesting More than half of Londoners have found love in the underground railway system. It probably helps that it’s dark (45)
(Some Guy) Interesting Not news: man in jail. News: man breaks out of jail. Fark: For four minutes (18)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Abstract (156)
SFGate Dumbass On this very special episode of Dumbass the Movie, Cindy Sheehan files to take on Pelosi and move to Washington DC. (Bonus: already endorsed by Ted McGinley) (237)
(NWA Morning News) Dumbass Most people would be happy to have their weight go from 413 to 308 in 8 months. But when it happens in jail you can sue the sheriff and claim starvation (129)
Telegraph Unlikely To combat binge-drinking, one city plans to introduce “pub angels” who will go from bar to bar making sure bartenders don’t overserve and patrons don’t overdrink (84)

 

Friday, April 25, 2008
Sun Sentinel Florida Elderly driver, unable to see over the steering wheel, with his blinker on for the last 20 miles, going 35 mph in the left hand lane, makes it past security and onto the tarmac at major airport (90)
Newsday Stupid Old and busted: Being famous and hounded by paparazzi. New hotness: Being a nobody and paying for the privilege (79)
Wall Street Journal Stupid A $300k watch that can’t tell time. Quote from salesman “anyone can buy a watch that tells time — only a truly discerning customer can buy one that doesn’t.” Bonus: Sold out in 48 hours (235)
(Some Guy) Florida Police find drunk driver lying in front seat of car with his pants unbuckled, surrounded by Natural Light beer cans. Also, he was parked in the middle of a creek (49)
Victorville Daily Press Cool Historic gas station on Route 66 re-opens just in time to charge historic gas prices (35)
(Some Gator) Amusing Georgia state senator: “A Gator tag will cause accidents. It will lower our quality of life. In fact, my children used to have nightmares because we lived dangerously close to the state of Florida.” (80)
(News8Austin) Interesting Central Texas church strikes deal with gas station to sell gas for $2.49 a gallon this Sunday, in what is no way a trick to get you stuck in line with no choice but to be preached to while you wait (133)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Another week behind us means another round of mugshot goodness (248)
CBS Salt Lake City Asinine Professional panhandler pockets $50 per hour, gets busted by TV reporter (249)
CNN Interesting A plucky student surely was no quitter / He escaped from jail using Twitter / With one word he was free / There was no time to type three / For he was about to get pounded up the… well, he’s free now (71)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this sunset reflection (69)
(quint) Sad Man training for “shark race” stage of triathlon loses (135)
Washington Post Asinine Murderers are being acquitted now based on new evidence showing they were just born that way (87)
Reuters Interesting David Rockefeller donated $100 million to Harvard. Just in time too, as they were down to their last $34.9 billion (99)
(Durant Democrat) Dumbass Bush Administration finds way to cut cost of war in Iraq: they’ve quit feeding some soldiers lunch (363)
WFTV Dumbass 2000 plant marijuana grow operation worth two million dollars uncovered after owner is caught climbing a utility pole and stealing electricity. Dude, you’re doing it bong (106)
Baltimore Sun Strange As if Baltimore wasn’t rough enough, there’s a new danger to add to drugs and drive-bys: Aging pear trees (52)
Fox News Weird Swirling “tornado” of bees menaces diners at a Mexican restaurant. ¡Ay, ay, ay, no es bueno! (99)
(NWF Daily News) Florida Actual made for Fark headline: “Man denies huffing, caught with gold paint on face” (164)
WSAZ Dumbass Man uses a West Virginia taser, a.k.a. a cinderblock, to break up fight between brothers (48)
Metro Ironic Red Bull to discontinue current ad campaign after a supermarket worker drank four cans and got his wings (430)
Canada.com Asinine Montreal student fined $628 for sitting on a ledge in a public park. The fact that he was taking pictures of cops hassling someone else immediately prior had absolutely nothing to do with it (255)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man tries to get a deal on an LCD television by switching the price tag with one on a $3.16 bottle of water with the expectation that nobody would notice (213)
(wtkr.com) PSA If you are shoplifting, get busted and decide to run away, at the very least take the two-year old with you (38)
(Some Good Swimmer) Asinine After the devastating floods of Hurricane Katrina, the US Corps of Engineers is doing everything possible to ensure the levees around New Orleans don’t fail again. Just kidding, they stuffed gaps in the floodwalls with newspaper (179)
MSNBC Followup Bush stimulus comes early, doesn’t even spoon before leaving (450)
Chicago Sun-Times Dumbass Teacher busted for smoking pot on the job. School officials became suspicious when snack time lasted four hours (96)
Wall Street Journal Scary US: Iranian arms found in Iraq — no word yet on legs (244)
The Raw Story Asinine Neocon war architect who was in charge of Pentagon intelligence group designed to procure only pro-invasion intelligence blames Colin Powell for Iraq clusterfark (163)
CNN Amusing “Like most stories that end up with a man mowing his friend’s lawn in a dress, it started out innocently enough” (47)
Cleveland Sick “Ok, Rover, HEEL. Good dog, good dog. Now FOOT. Good dog” (48)
Fox News Amusing Former prostitute publishes internet escort’s handbook for aspiring call girls. Velvet Jones files copyright infringement lawsuit (131)
Canoe Cool Paraplegic golfer gets hole-in-one. Some guys have all the luck (72)
Wired Cool Finally, a website for something that matters: finding a good beer in NYC (145)
Chicago Sun-Times Followup “Brazil gives up on priest carried off by balloons” (158)
FARK Cool Boston Fark Party TONIGHT 7:00 p.m. Kenmore Sq. Drew will be there. DIT (230)
(Some Guy) Obvious Pet waste, toilet seats, doll heads, 8-track tapes, police caution tape: Crack house or Jersey Shore? Obvious tag should tip you off (51)
My Fox Dallas Dumbass You see a serviceman in uniform writhing on the sidewalk, having a seizure. Do you a) try to comfort him and keep him still until it passes, b) alert passersby and call 911 for help, or c) take off with his wallet? (208)
Stuff Amusing “wots happng, r u redy 2 go?” “yep cum now we r redy 2 go.” “ha ha dumba55” (69)
TampaBays10.com Florida In heist of the year, robber makes off with empty wallet and heart medication (9)
My Fox DC Strange What better way to prove you once had consensual sex with your ex-wife than by showing a homemade video to her new husband (202)
Reuters News US ship fires on Iranian boat in the Persian Gulf of Tonkin (lots)
(Some Guy) Amusing Before starting an organization to help bring people together, make sure that you double-check the meaning of the acronym. This is especially true if the name of the organization is Uniting Friends In America (68)
(Some Dog) Amusing I am the Lord your Dog, thou shalt have no other dogs before me. Thou shalt honor thy stud and thy biatch and thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s steak nor his chew-toys (63)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Kid charged with reckless driving on high school campus. In his motorized wheelchair (89)
Boston Globe Ironic Man who lost his license for driving drunk is killed by drunk driver while bicycling (214)
(Some Guy) News NYPD detectives acquitted in Sean Bell shooting. This will end well (1223)
(Slippery Slag) Photoshop Photoshop this slag glass (63)
USA Today Obvious The fledgling Iraqi forces have skipped ‘standing up’ and moved straight on to ‘running away’ (157)
Daily Mail Weird Mutant dog-eating squirrels invade English county. Naturally, the Daily Mail is there to denounce this latest wave of immigration (79)
YouTube Sad Happy ANZAC day to all you Aussie and Kiwi Farkers. Remember them all with pride (177)
News.com.au Silly Guy in town to donate part of his liver to Mum gets busted for not paying for a pizza in 1992 (38)
AP Dumbass There are lots of things you can do while holding a hostage at gunpoint during a carjacking, but asking a television news crew for directions shouldn’t be one of them (16)
(Some Cheapskate) Stupid One sure sign you’re doing it wrong: Robbing a dollar store (65)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this screwed guy (164)